Narrative Essay: Battle Royal

Battle Royal

             The few weeks after the move back to Korea from the States were blurry and dreamlike. I spent hours in my grandmother’s living room amusing myself with lego pieces. None of it felt real. Rather it was as if I was on vacation in Korea to see my grandparents. Even when our family moved into our new home and I started a new semester at the local elementary school, it felt as if I would wake up from this dream at my snug home in Seattle if I punched myself hard enough. But then, reality struck me when my mother dragged me to my first “hagwon.” Before I had any actual experiences at hagwons, I expected them to be educational institutes, as they are supposed to be. However, what I sensed when I entered my first hagwon classroom was quite different. Of course, the course itself was very educational, but what were strange were the looks the students had. They seemed like robots with the teachers inputting commands into their system.

             At first, all of this was absurd. All the aggressive competition seemed meaningless. However, soon I figured out we, students, had no choice but to become battle robots. Whenever I brought home a trophy or an award, my mother would try to act as if it was nothing, but I noticed the tips of her mouth bend slightly upwards. It wouldn’t have been such a big problem if all ended here. However, it seemed like my classmates and their parents made more of a big fuss then my parents. They would be astonished at the news of my accomplishment and would congratulate me with colorful words. But then, some would even go behind my back and chat about how it was mere luck. The list doesn’t end here. Hagwon teachers, neighbors, and literally almost everyone I know would overreact at such a notice. The funny thing was that the same applied for when I had bad results. A blend of sneers, ridicules, and judgmental views would surround me wherever I go. From these experiences, I learned that our society only acknowledges the best. In order to survive in such a society, I had no choice but to strive to become the best.

             Years later, I was accepted at a school named Daewon International Middle School, where everyone seemed so talented. With a hundred and fifty gifted people in one spot, all that I’ve accomplished so far began to look miniscule and dull in my eyes. I questioned the life I’ve lived up to that point, leading me back to the moment when I decided I have no choice but to become a studying machine. Since then, all that I was concerned about was being the best. And, what’s more astonishing is that I enjoyed it. I enjoyed standing on higher grounds than everyone else. Especially when I removed an opponent from the competition, I felt relieved and excited, like a psychopath when he kills his victim and successfully gets away with it. I had entered a series of battle royals. At first, I merely fought for the sake of survival. However, gradually the blood and killing appealed to me as exhilarating. 
                                

From the movie "Battle Royale."